Mike’s recent three day cold has proven that colds aren’t caused by cold weather. He’d randomly snort through whichever nostril would allow air passage, violently sneeze at least four times an hour and blew his nose like a foghorn. Fortunately, I was able to defend my immune system against his germs but even if I did catch it, I probably wouldn’t know. On a daily basis since we’ve been here, I sniffle just as much, sneeze twice as much, and have the added pleasure of itchiness in my throat and ears. I packed my allergies in the carry-on and forgot the Claritin at home.
I’ve learned how to scratch the back of my throat with my tongue without swallowing it even though it looks like I'm choking on a giant gobstopper. But my itchy ear canals require real technique. I take my pointer finger, bend it at the first knuckle, put the knuckle on the outside of my ear cartilage, push it closed and vigorously shake my fist up and down. The faster and quicker I do it, the more relief and the more I look like a dog but I don’t care. It’s very satisfying (and also highly NOT recommended by any doctors who’ve seen the inside of my ears). I don’t particularly know why, but it’s getting so bad that the urge to itch is at all hours of the night or morning: 11pm, 2am, 4:30am. While I wake up itching and scratching, Mike wakes up to what he thinks are repeated earthquakes. Only a few more days until my Claritin and allergies reunite. I may have to bypass hellos and hugs and pickpocket Matt’s luggage immediately.
Speaking of snots, the highlight of our week was watching Jersey Shore. Our TV guide channel (the kind that scrolls at the bottom of the screen so you have to wait ten minutes if you blink and miss the channel you were waiting for) is a pathological liar and has told us on numerous occasions that shows we’d like to watch are on at certain times. Since our remote is inoperable and looks like Mickey was allowed to use it as a chew toy, we have to sit at the TV and hold the button while it slowly flips through each channel. If you want to go from channel 4 to channel 84, be prepared for your finger to cramp.
Side note: I just thought this was funny and I’d share. The translations for some movies don’t really match up with the real movie title. The most uncreative translation so far is Cameron Diaz’s tearjerker, My Sister’s Keeper. The Costa Rican title? A Very Difficult Decision. Fitting, I guess.
So, the guide told me that from 5:30pm to 8pm, the Jersey Shore was on. I was psyched. It’s been almost two months since I’ve seen my last episode of the Shore and while I’ve been dealing with plenty of my own situations, I’ve still missed my Vinny and Snooki. My excitement faded after patiently holding the button from channel 13 to channel 55 when I saw South Park’s Cartman speaking fluent Spanish (although that was amusing). Damn it TV Guide! You tricked me again!
It was later, while flipping through the channels that I was never so happy to see Angelina’s ratty face and J-wow’s boobies floating in the hot tub. I’m not sure if episodes are behind here but it seemed like we picked up right where we left off. Then again, the Jersey Shore plot is as shallow as its characters and even though we missed a bunch, I’m thinking we probably didn’t miss much.
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