Our walk to town is visually stimulated by the Rio Baru that runs parallel to our road. When it’s a dry day the river looks like diluted Listerine (the minty kind, not the gross one). It’s often low enough to see the bottom and clear enough to see what’s swimming around. But when it rains, the water rises quickly and turns as dark and cloudy as chocolate milk. Our rental agent recommended we get tubes and use the river as a mode of transportation when the water is high and the current strong. She told us that it dumps passengers off at the beach and saves some time and energy. We’ve contemplated it since we’re already tired of our ten minute walk and wouldn’t mind an easier, quicker route. That was until we saw a crocodile sunbathing in its shallow waters on our way to town. And a larger one on our way back. They’re a safe distance from us since we have partial rainforest and a large hill between us, but they’re close enough. So we’re gonna pass on the tubing. I’d rather get to the beach than snapped by a crocodile jaw, just to save a few minutes.
Walking may not always be as safe though as we learned when a puppy came full force from a grassy field in our direction. The collar around his neck told me he wasn’t a wild dog but he was still wild at heart. He didn’t look like much of a puppy at about 40 pounds, but after gnawing on my ankle, his needle sharp teeth gave it away as well as his attention span. After using my ankle, umbrella and Mike’s shorts as chew toys, Mike was able to distract him with sticks until his owner finally called him home. We survived that one.
But the most dangerous predator of the day was a crazy lady visiting our neighbor. We had the pleasure *cough* of meeting her at the grocery store where she was pushing pear juice on us like she invented it. When we got home, we were even more pleased *double cough* to find she was visiting our neighbor, Treasure Hunter Ray. We hadn’t seen her around before but figured if she was a friend of Ray’s we’d be polite. But after she knocked on the door and visually assaulted my shirtless, sweaty husband who was working out, polite went down the tubes for me.
She had a worse attention span than the puppy that battled us home and seemed nastier than a croc. When I opened the door to her knock, she looked right past me and stared at Mike while stating, “I don’t remember you but I do remember you,” slowing down right at the appropriate moments to make her insinuation clear. Even bearded, he can still pick up the ladies…especially those older ones. Shocked by her blatant disrespect, I stood silent and looked to see if she left any drool on the step. She then asked for a potato, a lighter, what type of stuff we smoke (Mike gets that one all the time), invited herself in and Mike to party with her and sing (I did find that funny though). After realizing we’re probably a package deal, I got a follow up invitation that sounded something like a mumbled “you can if you want.” Thank you crazy lady, but we’ll pass.
That, unfortunately, was her first visit of the day. She proceeded to pace by our place a few times during the night holding conversations with Mike through the window always ending in another invite to party with her. Seeing as this house has very little curtains and very large windows, he couldn’t hide. Each time she had some other request to get him to open the door. After tallying the damage, she got a potato, a lighter, a surf magazine and two cloves. I’d say she got everything she wanted (or could think of as an excuse) but clearly, she didn’t. And I was not looking forward to two months of interruptions from this wackadoo.
Thankfully, Treasure Hunter Ray visited us this morning and unofficially apologized for the “crazy lady’s” (I’m not the only one who gave her that nickname) behavior the other night. He met her playing pool and she became “stuck to him like glue” and he “couldn’t get rid of her.” He definitely wasn't calling this discovery a treasure. He even admitted that he had to tread lightly because he wasn’t sure if she would slash his tires if he told her to leave. See? I wasn’t being a jealous wife…she was definitely a crazy {expletive}. Glad to know she’s not a part of our neighborhood and I won’t have to put the smack down anytime soon. And while I’m sure Mike was flattered, I think he feels safer with her gone too…at least now he can sit in the living room in peace and not worry about being attacked by the neighborhood’s wackiest predator.
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